Here are some of the most common - and funniest - characteristics of each of the twelve star signs. Some of them are quite endearing, really. Proceed…with a sense of humour!
Zodiac Signs and Humour: Funny Facts
So what's the funniest thing about Aries? How about Aquarius? Humour is a great way to speak the truth so read on and enjoy...
- Every third word that comes out of Aries’ mouth is “I”.
- When an Aries says they will do something, they do it. Usually, though, they just go ahead and do something they shouldn’t without saying anything beforehand.
- And when it’s all done, you’d better not say anything about it either, or you’ll end up in an emergency room.
- It takes an Aries as much time to make a life decision as it does to decide what they’re having for lunch.
- Are you planning on having a baby with an Aries? Good. That means you’ll have two babies to pamper.
- Taurus can be sluggish. In fact, they are, most of the time. Their physical activity is usually restricted to getting off the couch to grab the remote for the TV.
- Taurus loves nature. When in nature, they can contemplate (i.e. do nothing) in peace.
- Their patience is inexhaustible. Doing nothing will do that to you – make you patient, that is.
- They don’t give up easily on their romantic relationships. Breaking up means having to look for a new partner. Who has time for that?
- Taurus likes the simple things in life: eating, drinking and sleeping.
- Gemini is often accused of getting easily bored. The truth is, a single moment of doing nothing can send them into a fit of hysterics.
- Gemini knows how to adapt. They are able to successfully combine being married with acting single.
- They are good at doing many things at the same time, and even better at finishing none of them.
- They like to collect information. If you don’t care about Kim Kardashian’s latest shenanigans, that’s your problem – not theirs.
- Contrary to popular belief, they are not two-faced. They are multi-faced.
Read also: The most and least tolerant star signs
- Cancer never throws away things that have a sentimental value to them. One such example is the box of cookies that was given to them by their first love, in kindergarten.
- Cancer replenishes their wardrobe every 15 years.
- They love vintage stuff. To this day, they watch TV seated in that little chair Nana had bought them when they were 5.
- When they’re feeling down, they tend to eat as much as the rest of the zodiac signs combined. Because FOOD IS LOVE.
- They know how to change a baby’s diaper, even if they have no children.
- Leo is extremely generous and loves buying gifts for other people. You’d be well-advised to learn to reciprocate.
- Leo loves theatre so much they even play roles in real life.
- They like drawing attention to themselves, so they often dress like Bjork.
- They are as modest as Taurus is energetic.
- If they are not your number one priority, you’re doing something wrong.
- To Virgo, the glass is neither half-full nor half-empty – it’s dirty.
- Unless their sleepers are placed in the right position (whatever that is), Virgo can’t sleep at night.
- But if you break up with a Virgo, they won’t lose sleep over it; they know you can’t get your life in order without them.
- They never step on the cracks in the pavement; it would disrupt order.
- They make great nurses. That’s because they often practice their nursing skills in their romantic relationships.
Read also: Myths and facts about the star signs
- Libra enjoys seeking balance more than actually finding it.
- Libra looks elegant and polished all the time – so much so that you can’t help wondering whether they sleep on their feet in order for their coiffure to remain intact.
- Libra is an Air zodiac sign, so Libras are naturally big on communication. In other words, don’t call a Libra on the phone unless you have plenty of time to waste.
- If you feel like ruining a Libra’s evening, respond to their “should we have Thai or Taiwanese for dinner” dilemma with “how about Chinese?”.
- If a Libra compliments you on your looks, don’t let it go to your head; they are too tactful to be truthful about such things.
- Scorpio likes to scratch beneath the surface of things. In fact, the first person to ever come up with a conspiracy theory was a Scorpio.
- Legend has it that the first hacker was a Scorpio, too.
- Scorpio has a reputation for being distrustful of other people. But the truth is, they simply won’t give you their number unless they’ve known you for years.
- The worst thing you can do to a Scorpio is to always tell them the truth. It’s like stripping them of their purpose in life.
- Few people can love as deeply as a Scorpio. In fact, a Scorpio’s love is so deep it can send you to the bottom of the ocean.
- If you want to drive a Sagittarius crazy, tell them what they can’t do. And then sit back and watch them try to do it.
- Sagittarius is the philosopher of the Zodiac. They can spend hours analyzing the French revolution and then top it off with some information on the reproduction of fungi.
- They may pretend to be agnostics, but in reality, they pray to God every night that everything goes well.
- They are always focused on the future. Whether that’s the future of the world or their plans for the weekend is irrelevant.
- They are very adventurous. VERY adventurous. If a Sagittarius invites you to join them for a drink, prepare yourself for an experience that will put “The Hangover” to shame.
- Capricorn tends to settle down somewhat late in life: “It’s not my fault I’m incredibly self-sufficient”.
- If you want to break up with a Capricorn without hurting their feelings, suggest that you two backpack and hitchhike across the country. They’ll run for the hills.
- If you want to offend a Capricorn, tell them: “This looks so comfy! I want one! Is it as cheap as it looks?”
- When a Capricorn wants something bad, they overanalyze everything about it and end up hating it just as bad.
- We know someone who’s still waiting for a Capricorn to make the first move. If you’re interested, their phone number is 415-555-xyz.
- The key to an Aquarius’ heart is friendship – and you’d be well-advised to leave things at that.
- Rules are made to be followed by the many, and to be broken by Aquarius.
- Aquarius have few inhibitions, if any. They are free spirits. If you ask an Aquarius to undress in the middle of Central Park, they will…
- …which also explains why "I Wish I Could Have Been There" speaks right to their heart.
- The first mother to ever say, “Finish your meal; there are children starving in Africa”, was an Aquarius – and she meant every word of it.
- Did you know fish sleep with their eyes open? We’re not trying to imply anything. Just saying.
- If you see a Pisces talking to themselves, don’t judge: Their friend, Joe, is there; you just can’t see him.
- If you see someone dressed like they came straight out of the ‘50s, chances are they’re a Pisces.
- Remember Nemo? Fish are prone to disorientation.
- Pisces can remember where they were 12 years ago today, but not what they had for lunch.