Astrology Library

March 7, 2017 11:56 Astrology Library

A humorous look at the zodiac signs and their negative traits

Nobody’s perfect! We all have our foibles and weaknesses, don’t we? It’s what makes us human. Let’s take a look at the flaws of each zodiac sign through a humorous lens! After all, sometimes, it is our imperfections that make us loved.

Aries negative traits

  1. Aries love them a good fight. When they see other people fighting, they waste no time in getting involved – or starting a fight of their own.
  2. Aries are natural-born leaders. You can always trust them to lead you to disaster.
  3. They want patience, and they want it NOW!
  4. They talk so loud you’re afraid the neighbors might call the police on you.
  5. They’re full of enthusiasm. FULL of enthusiasm. All the time.

Taurus negative traits

  1. Taurus is very good at giving advice they never follow themselves.
  2. Taurus is stubborn – so stubborn they refuse to reconsider their views even when those views go against the laws of physics.
  3. They have a reputation for being conservative. But the truth is, they are simply averse to change. All the rest is slander.
  4. They need to feel financially secure. So they naturally keep a few (thousands of) dollars under the mattress.
  5. They often feel like they lack purpose in life. And they’re right.

Gemini negative traits

  1. Gemini is big on communication. They can’t stop talking to save their life.
  2. Gemini is extremely intelligent – pretty much like all other sociopaths.
  3. They are capable of having a conversation all by themselves, arguing for both sides equally fervently.
  4. They never gossip; they simply investigate rumors and comment on other people’s lives.
  5. They are considered very sociable. The truth is, they cannot afford to be left alone with the crazy thoughts that lurk in the dark corners of their mind.

Cancer negative traits

  1. Cancer enjoys staying at home so much it would take a flood or an earthquake to get them out of their house.
  2. Cancer’s relationship to fashion is similar to Aries’ relationship to patience.
  3. They dwell on the past a little too much. One might even go so far as to say that they live in the past.
  4. They still sleep in the pyjamas their mother had bought them when they were 8.
  5. They’ll never forget how you made them feel on May 23, 1998, at 10:48 am.

Leo negative traits

  1. Leos are natural-born drama queens. They never pass on an opportunity to cry their heart out.
  2. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Yup, the Queen in Snow White was a Leo, all right.
  3. When they make their entrance, they expect to be greeted with applause.
  4. They probably have mirrors on their bedroom ceiling.
  5. They are very good at making self-deprecating jokes. But trust us when we say you don’t want to laugh at them.

Virgo negative traits

  1. Virgo is generous and never one to shy away from responsibility. That’s because, deep down inside, they believe no-one can be as useful as they are.
  2. Virgo is a perfectionist intent on keeping their life under control. In other words, they suffer from OCD and anxiety.
  3. Virgos obsess about everything – even about their obsessions.
  4. They constantly criticize other people – of course, always with their best interests at heart (“their” is supposed to stand for “those other people’s”).
  5. They pay great attention to details. If your nails are unevenly cut, they’ll notice. And they’ll let you know.

Libra negative traits

  1. Libras are averse to confrontation, so they get involved with Aries people in order to have someone to blame for the quarrels they find themselves in.
  2. Libras find it hard to decide whether or not they’re indecisive.
  3. They come across as very sociable. In reality, they simply shudder at the idea of being left alone because they don’t know what to do with themselves.
  4. They love harmony. If their hair color doesn’t match their shoes, they’ll change their whole outfit.
  5. If you have the impression a Libra is no longer paying attention to what you’re saying, you’re right – even if it’s only been 2 minutes since the conversation started. 

Scorpio negative traits

  1. Scorpio can be a little controlling. Just a little, though. Only to the point of manipulating your DNA.
  2. If you feel like someone’s been stalking you, you may be right: You may have hurt a Scorpio’s feelings 20 years ago.
  3. If you’re thinking about getting involved with a Scorpio, get ready to never have things your way again.
  4. If Scorpio can’t have a healthy sex life, no-one will.
  5. If you think it’s the claws you need to beware of, think again: They also come with a stinger.

Sagittarius negative traits

  1. To Sagittarius, the glass is not just half-full. It’s so full it’s overflowing. It’s so full it grates on your nerves.
  2. Sagittarius is unfailingly honest. If you can’t handle the (a.k.a. their) truth, that’s your problem.
  3. If you have a problem you’d like to share with someone, don’t bother sharing it with a Sagittarius. Their answer is always the same: “Think positive. Everything will be fine”.
  4. Sagittarius value their freedom too much to be tied down. To be more precise, as soon as they get in a relationship, they start looking for the exit.
  5. “You are my moon and stars, the love of my… Give me a second… Oh-my-God-my-friends-are-going-to-Mexico-for-the-weekend-I-can’t-miss-it-I’ll-call-bye!”

Capricorn negative traits

  1. Capricorn always knows what they want and how to get it – as long as it’s something quantifiable.
  2. Capricorns have a reputation for being conservative and predictable. The truth is, they simply refuse to go on vacation without having made reservations a year in advance.
  3. They also have a reputation for being bossy, which is due to false rumors spread by people who don’t enjoy constantly being told what to do.
  4. Capricorns are realists. They always expect the worst and (subconsciously?) see to it that it happens.
  5. Contrary to popular myth, they are neither cold nor emotionally detached. They simply have to be on their deathbed to say “I love you”.

Aquarius negative traits

  1. Try to remember the most unbelievably outrageous thing you’ve ever heard. It came from the lips of an Aquarius, didn’t it?
  2. Aquarius tends to be attracted to… let’s say, unconventional people. If you have a criminal record, you should be just their type.
  3. If you want to spend the rest of your life with an Aquarius, you will have to come to terms with the fact that your relationship will never be more important to them than Tibet’s struggle for freedom.
  4. You’ll also have to come to terms with the prospect of constantly being lectured on said struggle…
  5. …as well as with Aquarius’ commitment-phobia. Hopefully, you’re not the romantic type. (Are you sure you wouldn’t rather get involved with a Pisces instead?)

Pisces negative traits

  1. Pisces will happily volunteer to serve as your own personal doormat. They’ll only be doing it to test your humanity, though. Don’t even think about stepping on them, or everyone will know “what an ungrateful monster” you are! (You didn’t really think they were driven by genuinely altruistic motives, did you?)
  2. Pisces is compassionate and empathetic. They can spend hours crying over a documentary on koalas, and even more hours trash-talking a co-worker behind their back.
  3. They are highly prone to substance and alcohol abuse – which is understandable, considering their desire to escape this world and go join an alien civilization in outer space.
  4. If you make the mistake of engaging in a philosophical conversation with a Pisces, good luck keeping your sanity.
  5. If a Pisces tells you they want to hear the truth, don’t believe them. They are lying – both to you and to themselves.
Date Modified: Jun 26, 2017 13:33:42

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